In what’s becoming a recurring theme here, Duke sucks. I know, I know. That’s like saying the sky is blue, or humans need oxygen, right? It’s basically something that any ol’ court could take judicial notice of (Sorry, I’ve been studying for the Bar, in case you haven’t noticed).

But in this post, I have judicial backing that Duke sucks. Not only does the court agree, but Duke’s own lawyers are arguing for this point. ESPN.com recently reported that a Kentucky judge agrees what we all know already: Duke Football is abysmal. Duke pulled out of the final three games of a four-game contract with Louisville. When Louisville sued for $450,000 in liquidated damages (the article incorrectly calls this a “penalty” when we all know, I think, that it can’t just be a penalty fee), the article states that Duke lawyers argued:

the Blue Devils’ performance on the field was so poor that any Division I team would suffice as a replacement. Duke is 6-45 over the past five years, 13-90 since 1999.

Ha. The article goes on to state:

…this is a threshold that could not be any lower,” [Judge Phillip J.] Shepherd wrote in a summary judgment issued Thursday, according to the paper. “Duke’s argument on this point cannot be reasonably disputed by Louisville.”

Hey Louisville, I hear Virginia is looking for some higher caliber opponents.* Sigh. I mean, we’re going to be awesome next year. What do analysts know? We’ve got an Elite 11 Camp quarterback and a pretty stellar RB coming in. Sure, Torrey Mack is our only 4-star recruit this year, but with a wide open ACC Coastal, aside from Virginia Tech, it’s certainly possible for the Hoos to sneak their way up to the top again. But I digress.

I hope ESPN continues to churn out these types of articles such that I can justify my incessant surfing studying online.

*But seriously, I would like to see UVA take on Louisville.

Credit Liam for the link.