I am constantly baffled by what is on the market nowadays. Now don’t get me wrong, I am perhaps one of the must easily susceptible to good marketing, and I have an unhealthy habit of impulse buying. But perhaps now I have seen it all.

Tea forte has unveiled a new product called “Tea Over Ice.” You read that right. This is not your grandma’s ice tea, apparently. No, instead, this is “Ice Tea Re-Imagined,” which provides “fresh and authentic ‘flash-chilled’ ice teas with a boldly original tableside presentation.”
Um. Flash-Chilled? What does that even mean? I imagine it to mean that I can put my boiling hot tea into some contraption and take it out ten seconds letter and it be nice and cold. But no, that’s not what it means at all. Here is what the website says:

1. Pour boiling water over infuser
2. Steep 3-5 minutes (Which means to put the hot small pitcher over the large iced pitcher).
3. Pour over ice and enjoy!.

OK, so basically, what is going on here is that I put boiling water into a container with my tea bag, cleverly disguised as a pyramid, which adds easily another $15 to the purchase price, wait for the flavors to infuse, and then pour it into a pitcher of ice. Is that what “flash-chilled” means? That I pour over ice? And I am apparently supposed to pay $42 plus tax, shipping, and handling? Wow. Impulse buyer or not, you’re not catching me on this one.

The only reason this is a “boldly original tableside presentation” is that no one in the right mind thinks it’s worth it or smart to stack two pitchers on top of each other in order to show off this MIND-BLOWING NEW CONCEPT called “flash chilling,” or as I like to call it, “ice.”

I like to think that the ACC is one of the “smarter” conferences. Alright, we’re no Ivy League, obviously. But between Duke, UVA, UNC, and perhaps a few others, we can certainly hold our own. Obviously the Pac-10 has got some brains too, but we’re definitely right up there. But when you’re talking about sports, it’s a whole new ball game, so to speak. I don’t want to pass any judgment on Florida State (who am I kidding? I love passing judgment), but the following clip is just a sample of the many handshakes their baseball team has to offer.

First of all, I gotta say the first one is my favorite.

Q: You ever worry that you’re pushing important information out of your brain?
A: Naw, I never have to worry about pushing important information out. Don’t have a whole lotta in there probably…”

I mean, I don’t even have to insert any witty comment here, right?