It is 1am after Christmas and I am pooped.  I have been eating all day long and can now only effectuate movement by rolling myself over.  I managed to make it into bed but am concerned that I will suffocate overnight by my own newly-developed layer of lard.  I hope you all had as great a holiday as I did and that you survive the night.  Self-lard suffocation is a greater problem in America than you may imagine.