Today my friends, I turn your attention to this ESPN article by Pat Forde. Usually I enjoy reading his articles. But he had some dumb things to say this time around, haha.

I won’t waste all of our time by going into each and every rule, but here are some notables ones that I’d like to comment on.

New Rule: If the scoreboard says you lost, you lost. That’s not going to change. Take an hour to vent postgame, then try to regain your sanity. Do not diminish your quality of life — and the quality of life of those around you — by spewing for days about the refs who cheated your team, the flagrant league bias against your team or the complete lack of class displayed by the team that beat your team. Your team l-o-s-t. Try to deal.

Weak. I will hear nothing of it. Just because the scoreboard says we lost does not mean we’ve officially lost until either (a) the new rankings come up and we realize it wasn’t as bad as we thought or (b) we win next week, whichever comes first. And even so, the loss doesn’t really count as a loss because the Refs were blowing the game and the other team’s coaches.

New Rule: Try using your real name on a message board. It might be a liberating feeling to stand behind your words, instead of hiding behind the handle “GatrHatr88,” or whatever lame nom de cyberplume you choose.

What is he TALKING about? CHokiesSuck4Life is a totally sweet moniker!

New Rule: If you spend more on face paint, clothes in school colors, tailgate accessories and an RV horn that honks the school fight song than you spend on charity, reevaluate your priorities.

Oh crap. Umm. … Uhh… yeah. I’m screwed. WAIT! I donated a lot of money to UVA Athletics! That counts as having my priorities in check, right?? Right?? …sigh.

New Rule: An 0-1 start is not the end of the world, especially with a 12-game schedule. Unless you start 0-1 with a buy game against what was supposed to be a guaranteed chump. Then you can pound the panic button.

Woohoo! Let’s go Hoos! Who cares about Pittsburgh anyway? Eep.

New Rule: Flying a car flag when your team is 5-0 is easy. Try it when your team is 0-5.

What’s that? UVA Basketball? That’s right. I stand by my guys till my death.

New Rule: It is understandable and acceptable to wonder (out loud) why Temple is still playing Division I-A football.

Don’t we play them? Frequently?